Who am I?

I figure I would give a little insight into who I am and what I am about. It feels strange writing about myself but at the same time who doesn’t love talking about themselves, let’s be real (The ego is a helluva drug). I come from a second generation immigrant household. My parents came to this country in hopes of a better life and new opportunity. Early on, our upbringing was very humbling and I recall how hard they both worked to get us on our feet. That immigrant mentality certainly paid off as our family started to capture some of that oh so coveted American dream. My mother did everything in her power to put us in the best schools and give us a life that she didnt. Looking back I am eternally grateful for this. Why does this background story matter? Well because I fucked up. You know that saying, “Don’t live with any regrets,” yea that is bullshit. I fucked up the early on in my life and now I am playing catch up.

My parents did their best to scrape together every dollar to put me in the best position to succeed I screwed them over big time. What did I do? I was an asshole to them. I was a terrible student. Lazy, entitled, unmotivated, and a down right miserable excuse of a son. Being the oldest of my siblings I could always tell my mother has held higher expectations for me. I was supposed to be an example for my younger siblings but I failed. My poor grades and shitty attitude carried over into my college years. I barely graduated and scraped by high school. As all my friends were getting accepted into their dream college I was lost. Not surprisingly, I was rejected by most colleges I applied too. I had ZERO interest in school and to be frank I was a lazy piece of shit lacking discipline. Finally, one university ended up accepting me (they must have felt sorry or maybe I fulfilled their minority quota who the hell knows?).

Ah but my story does not change for the better, just yet. Once I started classes at this college more of the same came to follow. This new found freedom given to me translated into me ditching class, making little to no friends. I dropped out shortly after the first semester. I was convinced school was not for me. Looking back, I was pretty damn lost and had no motivation of doing anything. I don’t know if I was depressed or just a plain ol’ fuck up (maybe both). I dropped out and didn’t do anything. I crashed at my parent’s home for what seemed like 5 years? During that 5 year period I worked on and off shitty part time jobs that included everything from retail to fast food. And similar to my scholarly track record I would usually quit those shitty jobs after a few months. While most of my peers had finished their college and had begun their careers I was pathetically lounging around sleeping in till noon everyday with nothing to show for the last five years or so of my life. Lucky for me I have always had a supportive family and even though I was a massive disappointment and leach my mother in particular urged me to get a job and more importantly go back to school.

I am not sure what changed? Looking back it might have been embarrassment for my lack of accomplishments or maybe I just wanted to get my mom off my back and make her somewhat proud. One day I finally decided to do some research on some college courses offered at a community college. I still was not sure what I wanted to do with my life so I decided that maybe a career in the medical field would be cool? Ultimately, I went in to the community college and registered for some courses to maybe get an associates degree. At the time I was not sure what the long term plan was but this was the beginning of what may have changed my life. I registered for some basic college courses with a concentration in the sciences. Over those 2 years ended up exposing myself to some pretty cool people and professors. I started to build a routine and I started to work par time (yay 26 year old me! hahaha). All of the sudden there was some semblance of meaning to my life, even if I was still drastically behind in comparison to my peers and siblings.

I started to accumulate more interest in learning and bettering myself. I aced all of courses and soon after I had got my associates degree in biological sciences. I was 27 years old. I was at a cross roads in my life and I had started to develop a hunger for bettering myself. I decided to enroll into a full time university to pursue my bachelor’s degree. I had accumulated a decent amount of basic courses and I used that moment to propel me all the way to the finish line. I ended up getting my bachelors in the sciences. Now what? I got the stupid degree albeit late but I did it. This made my parents happy and I am not gonna lie it made me proud. I proved to myself that I was not stupid I was just an undisciplined lazy shit early on. The good of all this was that I had developed an unquenchable thirst for self improvement. Maybe it was my internal clock that had urged me to get my shit together. I recognized that I had essentially squandered away a decade of my life with nothing to show for. I was entering the work force in my late 20’s / Early 30’s. I began working my first “grown up” job at a small finance field. Oh the irony a STEM graduate working in the finance field, that is life right? It was a good to be honest. Was it exciting fulfilling work? Nah, but it definitely exposed me to some new concepts and I certainly grew as a person. In my 2 year stint I made a name for myself I became a supervisor and was being groomed as up and coming well regarded employee.

Although I was comfortable at the job it didn’t really fulfill my inner calling for growth and the type of life I wanted for myself. As I mentioned I was playing catch up and part of that included my personal finances. I wanted and still am seeking financial freedom. I want a life of freedom that allows me to be financially free and lifestyle-wise (yea i just made that word up!). I want to be able to wake up every morning and feel that I have the choice to do whatever the hell I want. Do I really have to work every day for a company until the age of 65? Do I really have to answer to some one else that controls the way I live my life? I know what you’re thinking, everyone wants that. Well I am here to say that I suppose the reason I am starting this blog is to document that transition into my desired life. Maybe I can use this shit as a means of keeping my self accountable and on track? I pivoted from my job in finance to a new big change. I am now part of a big tech company that will allow me to reach my goal lifestyle. I must admit this new opportunity is challenging and to be frank I am not a techie so this will be a challenge but I know that this will allow me to achieve my dream.

Holy shit, I did not expect to write all of that but I am glad I did. I am not going to proof read any of this because I don’t expect many if any one will read this but myself. I am a pretty private person so not many people know my story and in a way this was therapeutic I suppose. We’ll see where this shitty blog ends up.

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