Why am I doing this?

β€œTo live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

What the hell am I doing? Never in my 32 years did I think I’d create a blog. It is Christmas eve I have the Sopranos on in the background and I am visiting my family, good times. So back to my original question, “why the hell am I creating a blog?” I gotta be honest I don’t really know why and without sounding too introspective, writing just feels right. I have always considered myself an introverted artsy chap, just faking it til i make in a world that is not too kind to my type. I am sort of surprised I have not pursued this type of thing sooner as it does appeal to my personality. I don’t expect that many or any one may ever read this but that is okay its all for shits n’ giggles. I find that writing is one of the best ways for me to compartmentalize my thoughts. So..what do I plan to accomplish with this blog? Absolutely not a damn thing and that is okay. I am currently at a stage in my life where I have laid out a path to my freedom. (I may elaborate on this later). A path that will allow me to live the life I desire. I must admit it is a path that is uncommon but I have never considered myself a lemming. There is no doubt that my journey will have some rough spots but I have totally come to terms with embracing the suck and more importantly I have learned to fall in love with the process of becoming great. If you are one of the few folks reading this I am truly surprised you found my shitty little blog haha. I may just end up using this blog to document my voyage and share some random thoughts that stand out. My money says this will be my last post.

Fall in love with the process.

Long term goal/s, do you have one? Do you want six pack abs? Or maybe you want to marry a really hot super model and drive a Ferrari while having an affair with your hot maid? No? We all have long term goals maybe not as outlandish as previously mentioned but it is definitely a normal thought we humans have. The problem with these long term goals is that we tend to romanticize the idea and lose sight of the steps necessary to achieve that dream goal. Now I am not saying we should not dream BIG, in fact I think we should but responsibly. How can you dream big but in a responsible manner?

Personally, I am not sure I am qualified to tell you how you should plan your goals. Although, I believe there is one fatal error that we are prone to when setting long term goals. That is that we often overlook the importance of the day to day grind that goes with accomplishing that goal. Lets take for example someone who wants six pack abs. For those of you who have some understanding of this process you know that this is hard work. When I was a personal trainer so many people came to me with the goal of getting six pack abs and they wanted them before summer. Most of these folks had no clue just how much goes into getting six pack abs. Aside from the obvious, like having to do additional cardio and ab related exercises there’s the whole diet part. What about the meticulous meal prepping and dietary changes that you will have to make? As the saying goes abs are made in kitchen. All of the sudden this glorious goal of getting six pack abs ain’t so glorious anymore. The road to achieving any long term goal is not as sexy as the goal itself.

It is easy to see why so many people set these amazing goals but often fail at them. We underestimate the process. The process is not always going to be sexy and in fact in many ways its going to be hard. That is why there are so few Michael Jordan’s, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Guy Fieri’s (hehe) because it is HARD. There are no shortcuts folks. There is no overnight success. Trust me I am lazy I have looked far and near for a magic pill that let’s you achieve your goals overnight and it does not exist. So I guess what I am trying to say is that when you set out to accomplish any goal just be aware that if you want to succeed you must embrace the process. Learn to love the process. Embrace the fact that there is no overnight success. Greatness is an accumulation of repetitive actions that you take to get there. I leave you with this quote, “When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stone-cutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”

Who am I?

I figure I would give a little insight into who I am and what I am about. It feels strange writing about myself but at the same time who doesn’t love talking about themselves, let’s be real (The ego is a helluva drug). I come from a second generation immigrant household. My parents came to this country in hopes of a better life and new opportunity. Early on, our upbringing was very humbling and I recall how hard they both worked to get us on our feet. That immigrant mentality certainly paid off as our family started to capture some of that oh so coveted American dream. My mother did everything in her power to put us in the best schools and give us a life that she didnt. Looking back I am eternally grateful for this. Why does this background story matter? Well because I fucked up. You know that saying, “Don’t live with any regrets,” yea that is bullshit. I fucked up the early on in my life and now I am playing catch up.

My parents did their best to scrape together every dollar to put me in the best position to succeed I screwed them over big time. What did I do? I was an asshole to them. I was a terrible student. Lazy, entitled, unmotivated, and a down right miserable excuse of a son. Being the oldest of my siblings I could always tell my mother has held higher expectations for me. I was supposed to be an example for my younger siblings but I failed. My poor grades and shitty attitude carried over into my college years. I barely graduated and scraped by high school. As all my friends were getting accepted into their dream college I was lost. Not surprisingly, I was rejected by most colleges I applied too. I had ZERO interest in school and to be frank I was a lazy piece of shit lacking discipline. Finally, one university ended up accepting me (they must have felt sorry or maybe I fulfilled their minority quota who the hell knows?).

Ah but my story does not change for the better, just yet. Once I started classes at this college more of the same came to follow. This new found freedom given to me translated into me ditching class, making little to no friends. I dropped out shortly after the first semester. I was convinced school was not for me. Looking back, I was pretty damn lost and had no motivation of doing anything. I don’t know if I was depressed or just a plain ol’ fuck up (maybe both). I dropped out and didn’t do anything. I crashed at my parent’s home for what seemed like 5 years? During that 5 year period I worked on and off shitty part time jobs that included everything from retail to fast food. And similar to my scholarly track record I would usually quit those shitty jobs after a few months. While most of my peers had finished their college and had begun their careers I was pathetically lounging around sleeping in till noon everyday with nothing to show for the last five years or so of my life. Lucky for me I have always had a supportive family and even though I was a massive disappointment and leach my mother in particular urged me to get a job and more importantly go back to school.

I am not sure what changed? Looking back it might have been embarrassment for my lack of accomplishments or maybe I just wanted to get my mom off my back and make her somewhat proud. One day I finally decided to do some research on some college courses offered at a community college. I still was not sure what I wanted to do with my life so I decided that maybe a career in the medical field would be cool? Ultimately, I went in to the community college and registered for some courses to maybe get an associates degree. At the time I was not sure what the long term plan was but this was the beginning of what may have changed my life. I registered for some basic college courses with a concentration in the sciences. Over those 2 years ended up exposing myself to some pretty cool people and professors. I started to build a routine and I started to work par time (yay 26 year old me! hahaha). All of the sudden there was some semblance of meaning to my life, even if I was still drastically behind in comparison to my peers and siblings.

I started to accumulate more interest in learning and bettering myself. I aced all of courses and soon after I had got my associates degree in biological sciences. I was 27 years old. I was at a cross roads in my life and I had started to develop a hunger for bettering myself. I decided to enroll into a full time university to pursue my bachelor’s degree. I had accumulated a decent amount of basic courses and I used that moment to propel me all the way to the finish line. I ended up getting my bachelors in the sciences. Now what? I got the stupid degree albeit late but I did it. This made my parents happy and I am not gonna lie it made me proud. I proved to myself that I was not stupid I was just an undisciplined lazy shit early on. The good of all this was that I had developed an unquenchable thirst for self improvement. Maybe it was my internal clock that had urged me to get my shit together. I recognized that I had essentially squandered away a decade of my life with nothing to show for. I was entering the work force in my late 20’s / Early 30’s. I began working my first “grown up” job at a small finance field. Oh the irony a STEM graduate working in the finance field, that is life right? It was a good to be honest. Was it exciting fulfilling work? Nah, but it definitely exposed me to some new concepts and I certainly grew as a person. In my 2 year stint I made a name for myself I became a supervisor and was being groomed as up and coming well regarded employee.

Although I was comfortable at the job it didn’t really fulfill my inner calling for growth and the type of life I wanted for myself. As I mentioned I was playing catch up and part of that included my personal finances. I wanted and still am seeking financial freedom. I want a life of freedom that allows me to be financially free and lifestyle-wise (yea i just made that word up!). I want to be able to wake up every morning and feel that I have the choice to do whatever the hell I want. Do I really have to work every day for a company until the age of 65? Do I really have to answer to some one else that controls the way I live my life? I know what you’re thinking, everyone wants that. Well I am here to say that I suppose the reason I am starting this blog is to document that transition into my desired life. Maybe I can use this shit as a means of keeping my self accountable and on track? I pivoted from my job in finance to a new big change. I am now part of a big tech company that will allow me to reach my goal lifestyle. I must admit this new opportunity is challenging and to be frank I am not a techie so this will be a challenge but I know that this will allow me to achieve my dream.

Holy shit, I did not expect to write all of that but I am glad I did. I am not going to proof read any of this because I don’t expect many if any one will read this but myself. I am a pretty private person so not many people know my story and in a way this was therapeutic I suppose. We’ll see where this shitty blog ends up.